Hello everyone and welcome to fellow Weekend Writing Warriors!
This is my third week in a row joining the weekly blog hop. Today’s eight sentences are again from The Phoenix’s Wake, my main WIP at the moment, which was altered in a few significant ways this week. For those of you who were around for the past two weeks (snippet 1, snippet 2), I renamed my Gorgon main character; Gael Waaks is now Drea Cente*. Her partner Ramses is the one who gave her that identity when he freed her from her dark past, way back when.
Onward to the snippet.
Drea has to write a report for the sting operation that ended with her partner’s (Ramses) spontaneous combustion. To make sure the emotional jumble doesn’t get in the way, she’s reliving the events while a telepath is plugged into her brain. The telepath, as a more detached outside observer will then write the report.
Note: Being half snake, Drea is cold-blooded which means that she doesn’t sweat — perk! — and warm weather speeds up her metabolism.
“Even an old fart like you should have this plan committed to memory by now,” I tease.
“Just a visual help to extrapolate how you won’t follow it, Hothead.” Ramses squints at me, angling his head slightly to the side as if trying to decipher the mystery that is my brain. He licks a finger and sticks it up in the air, still dead-pan serious. “Temperature over ninety. You’ll be early.”
Ramses’ mischievous grin disappears when he reaches into the trunk without a single care for my frown.
“I think we’ll both be late and the nasties will be on a plane to Timbuktu.”
Hope you enjoyed these 8 sentences (first draft and all). Please read and give a shout to other WeWriWa!
* For those of you who want to know, Drea is a first name of Greek origin and it means “courageous” while Cente is a Nahuatl word translating to “one”. The name is a mix of her Greek ancestry, Aztec blood (spoiler: she’s actually a feathered serpent, a bloodline of Gorgons) and backstory. Prior to that, the carnies who enslaved her called her Centehua Tomin Coatl (Only One, Money, Snake).
The Writeaholic's Blog 
September 1st, 2013 at 9:33 am
The dialogue is clear and not confusing, and your descriptions are excellent. I like this: “…as if trying to decipher the mystery that is my brain.” Good 8.
September 1st, 2013 at 11:26 am
Thanks! I’m still playing around with the characters’ voices and attitudes so I’m glad it all makes sense.
September 1st, 2013 at 11:39 am
What strikes me here is how well you must know the characters. Their interaction feels very natural. That goes a long way toward helping readers connect with them, and I like them both already.
September 1st, 2013 at 3:45 pm
Thank you! I took acting classes for ten years and I guess that explains why I’m so character-bound, no matter what I write.
September 1st, 2013 at 1:53 pm
Fascinating all the significance to the names! Excellent excerpt, by the way.
September 1st, 2013 at 3:47 pm
Several myths chose their own names when human laws forced them to register. Drea’s name is special though, a tool that Ramses used to help her through her issues. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
September 1st, 2013 at 11:40 pm
This is really fun, I love the dialogue!
September 2nd, 2013 at 10:29 am
Thanks!
September 4th, 2013 at 3:35 am
It seems to be funny if you forget that soon he will spontaneously combust, I also wonder how it happened.
September 4th, 2013 at 9:29 am
Yeah, that’s the whole trick of that chapter. I have a few scenes to show the relationship, how deep it runs, make the reader care about it and then kill Ramses. It’s an interesting challenge.
September 7th, 2013 at 9:49 pm
[…] Phoenix’s Wake today. I’ve known I wanted to pick something from the same chapter as last week for a while, but I argued with myself over another funny Drea-Ramses banter or an action scene that […]