Unforeseen Dives – 27a – Gone

<< 26b – Crumbs

I adjusted the hem of my black dress reluctantly. All I really wanted was to stay in bed and forget everything that happened. My mom was dead. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I doubted I ever would.
I’ve survived the death of one of my parents before. However, my father’s death was nothing like my mom’s. My father had died my hero, saving my life. My mom had died a crazy woman, trying to kill me. She had shaken my core and sullied my image of her before I lost her forever.
She blamed me for my father’s death. She knew very well I used to blame myself. My father and I were walking home from the fair when a man jumped us. Dad ordered me to run and I obeyed, leaving him behind to be stabbed. I was twelve. My mom summoned forth the dark memories of the couple of years after that from the corners of my mind. I felt weakened by her fury. That it was false or misguided changed very little thing.
The last memory I had from my mom was her rambling with explosives strapped to her chest. How could I get closure after that? I didn’t even have a body to bury and I wasn’t going to gather the bits and pieces that stuck to everyone after the blow.
I flattened the folds of my dress for the umpteenth time. My palms would burn if I kept doing that. Instead, I readjusted yet another curl floating away from my bun. I cleaned my glasses. I brushed my teeth, again.  The only thing I refused to resort to in order to distract my shattered heart was scrubbing the sink. Cleaning the house to keep my mind off things just seemed too cliché.
The other difference between my dad’s funeral and my mom’s was that back then, I didn’t have to arrange anything. Planning such a dark day really wasn’t boosting my mood. I wanted the ordeal to be over as soon as possible. My mother might be gone but the person responsible for her death was still out there. I couldn’t bear that. I needed to figure out who he was and get him behind bar.
I finally arrived at the wake, a bare fifteen minutes before the opening. Samuel was waiting for me and we hugged in a show of support necessary for us both. He was a godsend. There wasn’t any real family left to stand by my side during the long ritual of condolences. I was an only child and so were my parents. I gladly accepted his presence by my side for the whole thing.
Rebecca helped a lot too. In fact, it surprised me that she wasn’t already here. She probably wouldn’t be long. Her strength really pulled me through the last couple of days.
Much to my surprise, people started streaming in before Rebecca and Sean arrived. Their absence wound me up tight. She knew how much her presence meant and she was never late. Something felt wrong. This event was trying enough on its own. I doubted I could handle more trouble, especially if it touched my closest friends.
As dark thoughts went round and round in my head, I shook in an increasingly tensed manner. I jumped when a hand squeezed my shoulder slightly. I recognized Casey and simultaneously felt his soft influence in my thought.
“I’m not trying to take advantage of the situation. I don’t want to impose. You seem to need a little support. If you don’t want it to be me…” His thoughts trailed. Hope and resignation laced the silence. I put my left hand over his.
“Thank you,” I broadcasted. In a fluid movement, our fingers laced and he walked around me to stand to my left. I resumed accepting condolences. At least, since the reader community was pretty small, I was acquainted with most of the people who came. The only real strangers were my mom’s clients. I was grateful; I didn’t want to stand in a gaggle of unknown faces.
Wayne’s wife and kids came at the end of the wake.
“Wayne’s sorry he couldn’t make it.” Riana explained. “He’s out on a fishing trip and packed as soon as he heard. It’s quite a long drive and he always hated flying.”
“It’s ok. The intention means a lot.” I hugged her and the kids then it was time to head for the church. Rebecca was nowhere to be seen. I fidgeted. My mood didn’t escape Casey, who picked it right out of my brain, nor Samuel. The idea of prompt diving to answer my questions was tempting.
“I’ve tried to reach her but she’s not answering,” Casey beamed in my cerebrum. “I’m sure she’ll turn up soon.” He almost sounded sincere.
Life proved him right. I parked at the church and Rebecca was waiting for me. She was alone though and her eyes were red. I hurried out of my car and we hugged. She obscured her thoughts but couldn’t keep her overwhelming worry from seeping through her guard.
“What is it?” I silently asked.
“Nothing. Don’t worry. You have enough on your plate.” I pulled away from her hug to look her straight in the eyes.
“What is it?” I thought with insistence. She dropped her gaze and shrugged.
“Sean didn’t come home from work. I thought he was working overtime. He still hasn’t showed up and his office says he left at his usual hour yesterday.”
I hugged her again. She had every reason to be stressed. With what just happened to my mom, everyone in the community worried when someone was late. The weight of her fear snapped through my wall keeping the Ocean out. I lost my grip on reality and prompt dived only to be caught straight in a whirlpool. A whirlpool that messed up a future interconnected with Becky’s and mine.
Reality snapped back into place when my partner managed to reel me back.
My traumatized paleness echoed frighteningly in Rebecca’s face.
Our trance was broken by the flash of a camera.

27b – Gone >>