Hi everyone,
I’m participating in the Weekend Writing Warrior, a weekly blog event during which writers share 8 sentences of one of their projects. You should check out the others right here: http://www.wewriwa.com/. I share this post with the Snippet Sunday Facebook group, which you can find here.
We’re back with another excerpt of my steampunk novel, Oil and Boiling Water (previous excerpts are compiled here). We’ve skipped ahead a bit to Tatiana’s arrival at the Loose Cogs Tavern.
When thunder roared, I cowered into the tavern, hands clutched in my skirts and heart beating against my corset. Whistling punctuated my entrance, and pride straightened my spine. The damp warmth of the tavern pressed against me, along with the bodies of men. My nose wrinkled against the reek of sweat, alcohol and layers of dirt.
A man with a mouth full of rotten teeth made kissing noises at me. I yelped and pushed away from him, only to bump in another man.
Breathe. I had to breathe and spot my brother.
Comments and critiques are welcomed!
In other news, I’m moving into my long term apartment this week (no more temporary accommodations!), so I may still be oddly delayed in returning comments. Life should stabilize after that. 😉
The Writeaholic's Blog 
March 1st, 2015 at 6:35 am
Not a very woman friendly atmosphere. I wonder if she will be accepted on a boat or if they will decide having a woman on board is a curse.
April 12th, 2015 at 6:29 am
Both your options contain a part of what’ll happen. lol
March 1st, 2015 at 9:46 am
Ooh, I really felt the tavern’s lack of hospitality. Or rather, the wrong kind of hospitality. Hopefully her brother isn’t too far away. Although, he could give her a few minutes to have an “adventure.” 😉
April 7th, 2015 at 7:08 am
Yeah, it’s very important for me to establish that the Scholars aren’t the only misogynist in this world. And her brother is just far enough. 😉
March 1st, 2015 at 10:19 am
“…and pride straightened my spine.” Wonderful line, Aheila! Good 8 🙂
I’m glad you’ve found long-term digs. Enjoy the new place. 🙂
April 12th, 2015 at 7:41 am
I’m glad, too! Though I only have the bare minimum in terms of furniture, I do enjoy my new place.
March 1st, 2015 at 10:31 am
Oh, dear. I hope she has a hatpin or a weapon of man destruction in her reticule . . . Is she still barefoot?!
April 12th, 2015 at 5:18 pm
She has her sharp tongue and that’s about it. And no, she put her shoes back on in a paragraph I skipped. 😉
March 1st, 2015 at 11:44 am
I agree with Christina– you can really feel the building aggression and danger posed to her here. I kinda felt disgusted myself while imaging the scene, so you certainly drew me in. Great work!
April 12th, 2015 at 11:56 pm
Great. I’m glad I could convey enough details to make people cringe a bit.
March 1st, 2015 at 12:48 pm
Great description. I can see the place very clearly.
And following up on Sarah’s comment, if she is still barefoot in there… ew! I don’t want to think about what’s on the floor!
March 1st, 2015 at 1:00 pm
Should be fine as long as she steers clear of the areas around the spitoons. 😉
April 7th, 2015 at 7:09 am
Haha! I didn’t post the part where she puts her shoes back on before exiting the hack, but she’s definitely not barefoot here. Ew!
March 1st, 2015 at 12:59 pm
Excellent details here; gives a great sense of atmosphere. I was cringing right along with her.
March 1st, 2015 at 4:03 pm
Great description, Aheila–I can see it all and feel her tension as she waits for her brother.
March 1st, 2015 at 4:10 pm
Wow, this lady has got guts! I wouldn’t go in there! Enjoying the story and the heroine….great excerpt and good luck moving.
April 12th, 2015 at 3:44 am
Guts or recklessness? One does wonder. XD
March 1st, 2015 at 4:42 pm
Oh, that’s not a fun place to be, especially with men who think they own women. Great snippet, Aheila.
April 11th, 2015 at 9:04 pm
Very true! I’m glad this comes across. In earlier version, critters asked for more shadiness.
March 1st, 2015 at 6:47 pm
Excellent writing! So much emotion here, I felt I was right there with her in that horrible tavern. What is her brother doing there? You have me interested. 🙂
March 1st, 2015 at 9:12 pm
Yikes. I hope she gets out of there soon. 🙂
March 3rd, 2015 at 7:42 pm
Excellent work. You really make the dank interior of the tavern come alive.
April 12th, 2015 at 4:07 am
Thanks!
March 5th, 2015 at 5:00 am
Don’t shoot me but that made me think of “Tangled” when they entered the Tavern … that’s a compliment, obviously your description was really well done! Kudos.