The Heroic – A Super’s Routine

A few years ago, all people wanted to talk about was stars. Movie stars, music stars, all that mattered were the so-called celebrities. Agreed, their lives were indeed as entertaining as their art, sometimes even more.
While other magazines may be stuck in these old ways, we, at The Heroic, know what hip, quality people want to read about: superheroes and villains. In this first monthly edition of our ground-breaking magazine devoted to the celebrities of tomorrow, we shed some light on superheroes and villains’ life.
We’re an absolutely neutral party and we’ll make sure to bring you every scoop: nasty or nice.
To kick things off lightly, let’s see what an average schedule looks like for superheroes and villains.

A Day in a Villain’s Life

6:00 – Wake up in a soggy basement.
6:30 – Eat the basic breakfast you’ve prepared yourself.
7:00 – Train
8:00 – Shower
9:00 – Take deep breaths and repeat “Perseverance is key.”
9:15 – Figure out an ingenious strategy to reach your goals.
10:30 – Build the necessary items required for your plan.
12:00 – Meet the partner of your dreams for lunch.
12:05 – Be rejected…
12:10 – …because you come second to another…
12:15 – …who happens to be your arch nemesis, the superhero.
12:55 – Pay the bill.
13:00 – Kick-off your master plan.
14:00 – Smile because the superhero hasn’t showed up yet.
14:05 – Feel genuine hope. Maybe this time…
14:30 – Get pummelled.
14:35 – Trigger Plan B to try to stop the superhero.
14:40 – Fail and get pummelled even more.
15:00 – If you’re lucky, start your journey back home despite all the broken bones in your body. If not, go to jail or die.
17:00 – Arrive home.
17:30 – Eat toasts and peanut butter.
18:00 – Land in your bed.
18:01 to 6:00 – Sleep off exhaustion and heal.

A Day in a Superhero’s Life

10:00 – Wake up in the huge master bedroom of your mansion.
10:05 – Kiss your bed warmer good-bye.
10:30 – Eat the awesome breakfast your butler brings you.
11:00 – Undress to take a shower.
11:05 – Spend a few minutes in front of the glass, flexing your muscles and practicing your smug smile.
11:30 – Shower
12:00 – Meet a hottie for lunch. If none you know is available, just pick one of the street.
12:05 – Be kissed passionately.
12:10 – Decide to skip lunch. Don’t pay the bill. No one charges a hero.
12:15 – Land back home with the hottie…
12:20 – …begin R-rated activities.
14:00 – Leave the hottie asleep in your bed to go perform your other superhero duties.
14:05 – Fly around.
14:10 – Look for trouble.
14:25 – Find trouble.
14:30 – Pummel the guy.
14:35 – Play dead when the guy triggers Plan B to build up suspense for your crowd of admirers.
14:40 – Return to full power and break every bone in the guy’s body.
15:00 – Receive congratulations, pats on the back, etc.
15:05 – Photo shoot
15:30 – Autographs
17:00 – Arrive home.
17:30 – Enjoy an 8 services dinner with a hottie (either the same you had for lunch or another one).
19:30 – Go back to your bedroom to… hmm… yeah.
02:00 to 10:00 – Sleep.

I definitely know who I want to be! How about you? Write us a short answer and you might be featured in our next edition! Better yet, the best entries will have the occasion to spend a day with the superhero or villain of their choice!


About Aheïla

Somewhere in Quebec City, Aheïla works as a Game Design Director by day and writes by night. Known for her blue hair, unyielding dynamism and tasty cooking (quails, anyone?), she’s convinced “prose is the new crack”. She satisfies her addiction daily on The Writeaholic’s Blog and weekly on Games' Bustles View all posts by Aheïla

18 responses to “The Heroic – A Super’s Routine

  • Jenn

    Very cute! I definately enjoyed it! Yes, I know who I want to be too!

  • Leaf

    *Laughs* Poor vilain. I think that’s the reason I love them — I can’t help feeling sorry for them XD

  • Ryan

    Wouldn’t the villain want to be the superhero? Too bad the villain’s evil and automatically disqualified. Butlers, hotties, 8-course dinners and saving the world, all in a day’s work? I could learn to like that.

  • Antonio

    Hmmmm…eight course meal vs. toast and peanut butter…hugging your pillow vs multiple “hotties”…it seems pretty lop-sided at the moment…ahhhh the dirty `scales of justice.’ Not to mention, the spoils of war. Is it possible to feel sorry for the arch-villian? Nahhhh… 😉

  • Marsha

    *sigh* My life is more like the villain’s. That must be why I like to write about the other 1% of the world.:)

  • scribadiva

    For me, it depends on the setting and the true nature of the villain. In a court room, I despise the prosecutor, and cheer the defense, but only if the defendant is an anti-hero, and not a villain. You know how we girls, (young or not so young) fall for the “bad boys” at least once.
    If, however, he truly is a villain, I expect him to be like Bundy, a sociopath. As in the movie “Unbreakable” Jackson’s character is so twisted, he’s a mass murder. So I expect him to have babies for breakfast. No love lost there for me. He also happened to be diabolical, like Lex Luther.
    As for the hero, I want him to have some vulnerability, like Superman’s kryptonite, which was really symbolic of having a good heart.
    Am I being too cartoon-like? I should confess, when the first Star Wars came out, my friends and I walked out before it ended. It was all in a black & white world. So considering my inclinations, you may want to ban me…which would make me a perfect villain! (rejection, plan a, plan b, etc.)
    I can’t decide which…but perfect body, a hottie,and breakfast in bed or dead babies for breakfast…I think I have to agree with the majority here when it’s all said and done.

    • Aheïla

      *laughs* I like your descriptions.
      However, like all the others, you have stopped at the fact that I labelled one villain and the other one superhero. Once you saw those words, you automatically associated all the stereotypes with each.
      The article doesn’t say, at any point, that the villain is bad and the superhero good. Everyone just assumed they were…

  • scribadiva

    Forgot to subscribe by email…sorry.

  • scribadiva

    Actually, I didn’t just assume. You left the door open, and I just took it there. And my point about me looking at it in comic book characterizations. I’m glad you did. Your door took me in a direction, and I have to analyze whether this is the right way for me to look at.

    I do get your point. And I realized that I don’t need the mail link: Your are in my Reader, as well as my blog. But the mail will remind me to look, so I’ll do all of that. Thanks for reading it.

    • Aheïla

      I like to cause readers to question themselves. I also like to destroy stereotypes. I’ll probably write one slimy superhero before the end of the month. *laughs*

  • scribadiva

    I’ve taught all kinds of writing, Aheila, you have a gift.

    You know who I suspected ate babies for breakfast? Condalisa Rice, former NSA/ Sec’y of State.

    When you go super villain, can they please eat babies? Or drink their blood in an evil Bloody Mary? I have this thing, apparently, about demons who eat babies I doubt any one does…

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