A few years ago, all people wanted to talk about was stars. Movie stars, music stars, all that mattered were the so-called celebrities. Agreed, their lives were indeed as entertaining as their art, sometimes even more.
While other magazines may be stuck in these old ways, we, at The Heroic, know what hip, quality people want to read about: superheroes and villains. In this first monthly edition of our ground-breaking magazine devoted to the celebrities of tomorrow, we shed some light on superheroes and villains’ life.
We’re an absolutely neutral party and we’ll make sure to bring you every scoop: nasty or nice.
To kick things off lightly, let’s see what an average schedule looks like for superheroes and villains.
A Day in a Villain’s Life
6:00 – Wake up in a soggy basement.
6:30 – Eat the basic breakfast you’ve prepared yourself.
7:00 – Train
8:00 – Shower
9:00 – Take deep breaths and repeat “Perseverance is key.”
9:15 – Figure out an ingenious strategy to reach your goals.
10:30 – Build the necessary items required for your plan.
12:00 – Meet the partner of your dreams for lunch.
12:05 – Be rejected…
12:10 – …because you come second to another…
12:15 – …who happens to be your arch nemesis, the superhero.
12:55 – Pay the bill.
13:00 – Kick-off your master plan.
14:00 – Smile because the superhero hasn’t showed up yet.
14:05 – Feel genuine hope. Maybe this time…
14:30 – Get pummelled.
14:35 – Trigger Plan B to try to stop the superhero.
14:40 – Fail and get pummelled even more.
15:00 – If you’re lucky, start your journey back home despite all the broken bones in your body. If not, go to jail or die.
17:00 – Arrive home.
17:30 – Eat toasts and peanut butter.
18:00 – Land in your bed.
18:01 to 6:00 – Sleep off exhaustion and heal.
A Day in a Superhero’s Life
10:00 – Wake up in the huge master bedroom of your mansion.
10:05 – Kiss your bed warmer good-bye.
10:30 – Eat the awesome breakfast your butler brings you.
11:00 – Undress to take a shower.
11:05 – Spend a few minutes in front of the glass, flexing your muscles and practicing your smug smile.
11:30 – Shower
12:00 – Meet a hottie for lunch. If none you know is available, just pick one of the street.
12:05 – Be kissed passionately.
12:10 – Decide to skip lunch. Don’t pay the bill. No one charges a hero.
12:15 – Land back home with the hottie…
12:20 – …begin R-rated activities.
14:00 – Leave the hottie asleep in your bed to go perform your other superhero duties.
14:05 – Fly around.
14:10 – Look for trouble.
14:25 – Find trouble.
14:30 – Pummel the guy.
14:35 – Play dead when the guy triggers Plan B to build up suspense for your crowd of admirers.
14:40 – Return to full power and break every bone in the guy’s body.
15:00 – Receive congratulations, pats on the back, etc.
15:05 – Photo shoot
15:30 – Autographs
17:00 – Arrive home.
17:30 – Enjoy an 8 services dinner with a hottie (either the same you had for lunch or another one).
19:30 – Go back to your bedroom to… hmm… yeah.
02:00 to 10:00 – Sleep.
I definitely know who I want to be! How about you? Write us a short answer and you might be featured in our next edition! Better yet, the best entries will have the occasion to spend a day with the superhero or villain of their choice!